November 14: Learning the hard way... but, nonetheless, still learning

Something happened this semester to really make me think. It made me think about how I am and will be as a person, as well as how I will be as a teacher.


A few weeks back, I challenged one of my professors. It was a complete accident, but I just went with it. I have had this professor before in another class two years ago and I thought he was great; he was knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and genuinely cared about each students' success in the class. Last year, he went on sabbatical and came back this semester. When the semester began, I was thrilled to be having another class with this professor but as the semester progressed, I have found myself wanting to skip his class. The first week was great, we learned so much about how and what to teach in middle and secondary English classes, everyone was excited to be there and each student hung on the words of the wise stories this professor had to share.


Then, slowly, and unknowingly, I began to become detached from this excitement. The stories that our professor was sharing with us continued to be repeated and he had started to sprinkle them with complaints about being at school again, saying he had "a sabbatical hangover", and that he was "doing all the work for the department", and that he is "tired of being the only one who is organized" in our particular program (these may not all be exact quotes... but pretty close).


The middle of the semester hit and this class, with a few others became so repetitive, I started having trouble getting enough motivation to even go to class. I stomp around my apartment saying "I hate school",  or "guess who is sick of school right now?!".


It became my mantra.


Which is why I didn't see that what I did was wrong. As my classmates and I waited to pick our second teaching opportunity dates, there was a lull in the room, and I said it. I repeated my mantra and challenged my professor,


"I am so sick of school" ... my professor looked up and directly at me as if I had said something completely and utterly disturbing... and I responded with "Well, it's true."


I guess in my mind, I thought because my professor gave himself free range to complain about being back at school and having his "sabbatical hangover", that our classroom was now a sanctuary for complaints and that I too could complain and not receive any repercussions to my actions.


I guess I was wrong.


We turned in the next assignment about a week later.  And a week or two after that got them back. I had received an 89% on a 90, 80, 70 scale, which meant that I was 1% point away from an "A" on the assignment and had received no comments about what was wrong with the paper.


Now, I have never fought a grade in my life. I have always just assumed that what I got was based on my work and I accepted it and moved on. However, this time, I didn't think that was the case. So, I got up enough courage to go into my professors office and ask him to help me see where that 1% point went.  Why I didn't get it. He told me that I didn't include a section that referred to grammar, I told him that I did and pointed out the third paragraph of the entire paper and another one on pages 7 and 8 of my paper. I read it to him, he  looked at it and then said that I didn't provide specific examples. (In these paragraphs, I basically summarized 3 lectures worth of what he said on how to use grammar in a classroom... so, I have a feeling that he agreed with what was written. Also, in the 3 pages that describe what he wanted in the paper... specific examples weren't there.)


At this point, he hands the paper back to me and says, "I just didn't feel that it was an "A" paper."


He had just judged the student and not the work.


Although I am still deeply upset about the situation, I am glad that I have had this opportunity to learn and grow. I know now that:
1. I will never complain to my students about being at school
2. Always make my lessons exciting- instead of dull and repetitious
3. I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS judge the students work and NEVER judge the student.
4. AND if the student works up enough courage to challenge the grade given and it is only that 1% point, I will get off my high horse, and give that student the point... because if anything, he or she deserves it for showing that they care about their grade, and showing their courage to challenge the grade.


Because no matter what, I want my students to be excited to come to school and learn, I want them to feel comfortable in my classroom, and I want them to know that I am excited to be teaching.

So, Thank You,

To my professor,

for allowing me to learn how I want to be as a teacher the hard way. 


And, if he needs it, 
I am truly sorry for what I said.

....and now I am dreading his class in the morning.